When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
