paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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