i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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