I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
