so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
either way he was missing a nipple.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
