Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
