So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
