like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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