I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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