Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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