I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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