I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
