did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
