he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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