He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Alive.
So much puke
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
