sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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