did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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