I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
