I can text with my tongue
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
