i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
