I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If that was your dad, he is hot
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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