Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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