Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
