I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
