you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she looked like the before picture.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
