i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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