I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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