I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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