Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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