I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
