I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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