dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
