EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
