all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
