I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
