I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
