fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
