it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
