Duck Duck Cougar?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
