Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
