'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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