She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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