Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
