I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
