last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
