She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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