bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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