Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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