woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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