Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
