Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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