Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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