you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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