I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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