I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
