My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
