tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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