My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
