If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize