I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
