I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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