I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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