god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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