We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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