he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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