jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
