i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
