How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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