what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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