I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
