she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
